2nd Surrogacy Birth story!!!

My last week of work ended on 11/17.  I had a membrane sweep that morning while I was working in the office and again in the afternoon just for good measure.  I was 3 cm in the morning and 4 cm in the afternoon and contracting more uncomfortably than normal. We went out to dinner that night to celebrate my birthday and the mild contractions kept on.  I wrapped up a few more things for work that night before bed and had a great night's sleep. 

11/18 - The events of this day will be best explained in a time line. This was the day before my due date and was my birthday (the day I had been saying all along that I wanted to deliver).

0600 - Wake up for the day. The kids are still sleeping so I relaxed my sore pelvis in a bath.  Blake woke up shortly after and hung out with me while I soaked. I told her I was hoping to have Oliver that day (we planned to do some at home induction techniques that day) - I even shaved my legs just in case!

0645 - Contractions are more painful, starting to think I might be in labor

0715 - Get the girls out to the carpool for school

0717 - Feeling scared, crying a little - text my incredible life changing doula Julie for advice on how to get my head ready - tell my husband to plan on working a half day and maybe after lunch we'll be ready to head in

0718 - Text to the intended parents to let them know that I think I'm in labor

0725 - Text to the parents to let them know to head this way and just hang around town until things get real (they live 2.5 hours away)

0727 - Text to the doula to maybe start heading to me even though I'm still not sure - text the midwife Miranda to let her know I'm pretty sure it's labor

0746 - Text to the doula to meet me at the old birth center instead (across from the hospital) so that I can labor there for a while and be closer for when it's time - Confirmed the birth photographer Jen is coming too!

0804 - Text to the doula to meet me at the hospital instead because things are really intense

0814 - Leaving my house - called the intended parents on the way to let them know things were really intense all of a sudden - I get the reassurance that I needed from them that they won't be upset if they don't make it - their reassurance made me cry - the midwife (who's not actually on call today) let's me know she can come in for me!!!

0827 - Text the awesome nurse Caitlin that I requested to take care of me my birth preferences

0843 - Text asking the doula to meet me in the parking lot with a wheelchair and praying I make it there

The car ride was so intense!  I had the cold air blasting and the windows were completely fogged from my breath - the "oh shit" handle did it's job and I begged my husband to drive faster. He did a great job staying calm and reassuring me the whole way

0850 - we got to the hospital and I was wheeled up to a delivery room - I told my husband if I was only 6 or 7 that I was getting an epidural.

0900 - The amazing midwife and awesome nurse were in the room waiting for me, tub filled.  I asked for an exam and was 9 cm!!  I got right into the tub and I broke my own water in hopes that things would progress quickly. I labored there for what felt like hours but was apparently only 20-25 mins. I tried to bear down and the pain was so intense I knew I wasn't ready yet. I asked for help getting to the bathroom so I could labor there

0935 - I climbed onto the bed and quickly started involuntarily pushing - it was so intense I didn't know who was there or what was happening.  I don't think I ever opened my eyes after arriving. At one point (while I was crowning I'm told) - I asked the midwife to push him back in!!  The prolonged crowning was too much.  His shoulders didn't come out right away and I was (I think) a terrible pusher because it hurt so bad - the midwife flipped me over onto my hands and knees and Oliver was born at 9:40 am. 

0943 - We facetime the intended parents and they meet their baby for the first time  - they're still an hour away

- At one point I said "I'm going to die" and when a room full of birth workers and my supportive husband reassured me that I wasn't I said "well I want to die". 

- When my husband was helping me walk from the bathroom his arm was in front of me as I was bent over contracting - I threatened to bite him and bit my own shoulder instead.

- There were lots of F bombs and "I can't do this" but I made it. 

- 3 hours from "maybe I'm in labor" to birth.  2 hours of sure labor and 5 minutes of pushing 9 lb 3 oz baby Oliver was born. 

The parents made it an hour later and I got to hand Oliver over to his mom for the first time with her husband and Oliver's big sister all together.  This moment makes it all worthwhile. 

It was an amazing journey and I'm so grateful that I was able to bless another family in this way.  The pregnancy was really hard (thanks to a 6 cm hiatal hernia causing pain and vomiting), the recovery was my worst yet and I can finally say that this baby factory is closed for good.  I got the birth I wanted (aside from the parents not making it in time) and am excited to claim my body as my own again.  I was able to provide 5 weeks of breast milk for Oliver and am back to focusing on myself and my family. 

Thanks for sticking with me!  While I still have hiatal hernia surgery to look forward to in the coming months (this pregnancy broke me) I know that 2023 will be a great year for my family.  My girls keep saying "never again, right mommy?"  My family knows first hand the toll this pregnancy and recovery took on our family and I am grateful every day for their patience and understanding.  

 

Life changing doula:Julie Byers

Incredible Photographer:Jen Conway Photography

 

 

 

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OOPS! 36 Weeks!!

 I blinked and here we are at 36 weeks.  Actually 36 1/2 weeks. Fortunately this pregnancy has been pretty uneventful.  Life, not so much. 

Pregnancy first - I passed my glucose testing and starting taking more iron for some mild anemia. We had a growth ultrasound last week that showed little man measuring 2 1/2 weeks ahead (93%) so that's exciting/terrifying.  I'm truthfully not too worried about it but may be a little more aggressive trying to get my body into labor if I make it to my due date. I do however feel very justified in how uncomfortable I am knowing that he is so big.  I'm not uncomfortable for nothing!

So last update we had just taken our trip to Ohio with a stomach bug, a bird pooping in my car, a dead car battery and a child locking her seat belt in the ceiling by putting gum on it.  I swear my PTO from work is cursed. Fast forward 2 months and I take a week of PTO to use up some of my vacation time that's expiring.  This time Blake gets the stomach bug.  She had vomiting and diarrhea the first night out of nowhere.  Then (if I remember correctly) she was fine for a day or two then had diarrhea and vomiting again (while Adam is out of town on a guy's weekend)..... This time she doesn't make it to the bathroom and gets my bedroom carpet instead.  We rent a carpet cleaner and get it all up.  Then she's good for another 2 days and gets sick again this time diarrhea in the same spot we just cleaned.  We rent a carpet cleaner and I believe that was the end of it.  It was a long week!!  I swear never to take PTO again.

Well then I decide one day of PTO can't hurt and I take off Blake's birthday. We had a big day planned. Early pick up from school, cute little monster rice krispies for her class, a Wendy's lunch date, a trip to target and maybe even ice cream.  The day before her big day I started getting a cold but tested negative for COVID so no big deal.  That night I came down with the fever and Adam quickly realized it must be the flu... The morning of Blake's birthday I test positive for flu. Adam still made sure her day was special but it really hurt my mommy heart.  

 I had to watch my baby open her presents from the door of my bedroom while they were down the hall.  Couldn't hug or kiss her for her special day.  My heart still hearts and I'm currently on 48 hours straight of living in my bedroom. One more day then back to work but I'm sure going crazy.  I can't even enjoy laying around all day because I'm 36 weeks pregnant and can't lay down without terrible heartburn.  

On a positive note the sweet intended parents sent me a thoughtful care package with some soups, fruits and the most amazing chocolate chip cookies I've ever had.   That did brighten my day a bit.  

Special thank you to the amazing Melissa at Dear Lissie Photography for asking me to model for her. These maternity photos are stunning thanks to her! She made me feel so beautiful at a time I needed it the most.  Highly highly recommend her for all of your maternity and newborn photography needs!! Hair and makeup by the very talented Cotton Rouge & Company. 

 

 

 

 

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20 Week Update and a rough Ohio trip

21 Weeks and counting!  Crazy to think we are more than half way there.  I feel big but don't feel terrible.

Pretty sure I have a worsening hiatal hernia which is causing a lot of pain and vomiting. Having chest pain when I eat which is causing referred pain in my left shoulder. Sometimes it passes but sometimes I just have to throw up. At this point just praying it resolves after pregnancy and that I don't have to have it surgically repaired. 

Sweet baby Bubble Gum had a great anatomy scan and everything looked perfect. I've been feeling movement since 17 1/2 weeks.  Just felt the first kicks from the outside today.  He must be strong because I have an anterior placenta and the movement is still so subtle. We go back at 24 weeks for a fetal echo (higher risk of heart defects with IVF pregnancy).  He was measuring a week ahead but we'll just ignore that for now.

 Here's the link to my podcast interior covering infertility through: I Want to Put a Baby in You

Now the crazy Ohio trip.  I have to write this down because I'll never remember it all and couldn't make it up if I tried.

- Took us 12 hours to get there instead of 9 (traffic)

-  Middle of the freeway Blake pulls her seat belt down and puts gum on it then rolled it back up jamming it, so she's got no working seat belt - Adam scraped off what he could then covered it with a tissue so it would work temporarily

- After saying "Ohio doesn't want us here" it starts to downpour the second we arrive and need to unload the car

- My car AC (2 year old car!!) has been smelling like vinegar for 2 months. 5 mechanics can’t figure it out. So I sprayed a cleaner and had to run the AC with the windows open. A bird pooped INSIDE my car while it was airing out

- We take the kids to the amusement park and Brennan PUKES all over the inside of my car when we leave for the day (An hour and a half from home)…. Turns out she got a stomach bug and threw up 15-20 times until 4am so was up all night with her

- Next day I was exhausted and ended up with a fever and couldn't really eat, stayed in bed all day

- Went to the post office to apply for passport (mine expired 6 months ago of course) and they tell me they won’t accept an out of state license without a social security card. She asked me to run home and get it. Umm ma’am, I live in SC. Found online where they will accept an employer ID so they reluctantly accept it…. Then tell me 3mm of my hair is cut off in the photo from CVS and I have to pay to take it again. Of course.

- I find someone to clean my car and the next day my battery is dead because they left the doors open for 4 hours while they cleaned and didn't check it 

 

- The car won’t jump off my sister's car so I had to pay a tow company to come jump it

- Later that day we go to my nieces birthday party and end up leaving early because my fever is back and now I'm throwing up too

- The next day I wake up puking and we finish packing and head to Ohio - don't recommend driving 10 hours with a stomach bug but we didn't have much of a choice

And now we're home!!  Fortunately we are all well and life feels slightly less intimidating.  

Praying for another healthy 20 weeks!!

 

Sweet Baby Bubble Gum

It Takes a Village

Fast Friends (Bubble Gum's big sister with my girls)

The Bubble Gum Incident

 

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Our Infertility Story - IUI, Adoption, Embryo Adoption, IVF, Surrogacy

It's amazing to remember where we started on our journey to making a family and where it's taken us.

There are so many incredible details to our story but in honor of infertility awareness week I want to give you the highlights.

My husband and I had our first date in August of 2003 and were married in September 2009.  At the time I was working as a nurse and in midwifery school.  In December 2012 we decided it was time to start a family.  I remember being so convinced that the first time would work and couldn't believe it when my period started.  Now 10 years later, having never had a spontaneously conceived pregnancy, I have to laugh at my naivety. 

After 1 year of trying we had the usual initial workup that really didn't show anything.  I had requested a lining check just because my periods were so light and in Nov 2013 had a 5 cm complex cyst removed from my left ovary.  The cyst turned out to be an endometrioma.

Immediately following that surgery we had our first IUI which failed just before Christmas that year.  We were heart broken of course but ready to try again.  We started another round in January 2014 and just 4 days prior to the scheduled IUI our lives were turned upside down.  There are so many incredible details to this story and I just can't do it justice here.  But here are the highlights:

Mid-injection text asking us if we wanted to adopt a baby - A sermon reminding us that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13) - a 2 week whirlwind of home studies, background checks and fingerprinting - 2 weeks of not telling our families ANYTHING about potentially bringing home a baby -  then meeting our daughter with my husband on Facetime stuck in Ohio for work - and now my sweet first born is 8 years old!!  For the rest of Brennan's Adoption story read here. 

With a newborn and infertility I don't think we necessarily kept "trying" but we did nothing to prevent for the next 2 years.  My cycle kept showing up every month and I knew we were going to need some help.  My antral follice count prior to IUI was 11. My AMH never quite matched what they saw on ultrasound so I've since forgotten that but know it wasn't great.  After my endometrioma removal my left ovary was never seen again and my antral follice count dropped to 4.

Embryo adoption had already been placed on our hearts and knew a stim cycle and tradition IVF just wasn't for us.  When Brennan was 1 1/2 we were gifted embryos from incredible selfless couple in Texas.  Just after her 2nd birthday we started meds for our first frozen embryo transfer.  The cycle was flawless until transfer day. They thawed the highest graded embryo of the 4 embryos we were gifted and the straw was empty!  They thawed the next best and my incredible "baby snowflake" Blake is now 5 years old! Here is a little bit more information on Embryo Adoption.

We were literally gifted 2 daughters. The first through domestic adoption and the second through embryo adoption.  We figured what better way to pay it forward then to help another family build their family. Enter surrogacy.  At first my husband said "hell no" and after months of research started to get on board.  

Our first journey was incredible but it did take us 3 transfers to get pregnant.  Clara is now 1 and took her first steps last week!!  She has amazing parents and wonderful older brother.  The entire experience was so rewarding we had to do another.

We are now 11 weeks along carrying sweet Baby Bubble Gum as my girls have affectionately named him. I am proof that there are A LOT of ways to make a family and the most important thing to remember is to never lose hope. The women I have and am carrying for have had hysterectomies and didn't have a choice but to seek third party help to continue growing their families. 

A friend of mine reminded me early on in our journey that it's ok to pray for God to grant my heart's desires.  The morning that Brennan's birth mom signed her relinquishment papers the bible verse on my scheduled reading plan for 2014 was Psalms 20:4.  Another gift from God, a peaceful heart!  

Then when I first started to read about embryo adoption I came across a blog highlighting another woman's journey to motherhood.  Her blog had used the same verse!!  It was in that moment that I knew we would be building out family in yet another non-traditional way. 

I hope these versus give you peace and that no matter where you are in your journey that you never give up and continue to walk through every open door.  And remember, if it's not open yet, it's ok to knock!!  God will find a way.

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9 Week Update

 I've gotten several messages lately asking how I'm doing which means I'm over due for an update.  We are 9 weeks and chugging along!  We had heartbeat confirmation at just over 6 weeks and repeat checks at 8 and almost 9 weeks.  Look at this adorable necklace IM (intended mom) got me for good luck prior to first heartbeat check.  A good friend of hers got her the same necklace for her birthday as good luck prior to transfer.  It's a horseshoe and baby elephant and I wear it every day. 

 It's kind of neat having this blog to refer back to and to be able to compare pregnancies. With my keeper, Blake, I had a few weeks of mild intermittent nausea.  With my 1st surro babe I started with nausea 8 hours a day at THREE AND A HALF weeks!! That continued until about 16 weeks.  With this pregnancy I have a few hours of nausea every day starting around 3 pm and continuing most of the evening. It's pretty mild and I've only thrown up a few time.  Truth be told I had reflux surgery and can't really vomit so I just dry-heave violently.  But it hasn't happened often.  My IM phrased it perfectly and said she hopes it's just the right amount of nausea and she's so right. Just enough to provide reassurance but not so much that I'm miserable.  

6 weeks

8 weeks

 

 It's been a great journey so far and I'm so honored to be able to carry for such a sweet deserving family.  

Now a shameless plug.  My office, Greenville Midwifery Care, has been nominated for Best of the Upstate for another year!!  But we need your help with daily votes until the end of April.  

PLEASE click this link to vote and go back and vote every day.  We have an amazing birth community and couldn't provide such great midwifery care without such incredible local support.

https://Greenvilleonline.secondstreetapp.com/og/f7a71865-3896-4e13-b894-01e4e5ab575f/gallery/328077051

Photo of me helping a sweet mama with her rock star water birth

When I was pregnant with Blake her nickname was baby snowflake (like a snowflake every adopted embryo is frozen & unique)… last journey the girls nicknamed her baby butterfly… current contenders for this little guy are cherry, little bob and Harold. Help! 

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We’re PREGNANT!!!!

​​My Intended Parents have had 2 retrievals but only had 1 genetically normal embryo. It was very highly rated and the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) quoted us a 70% chance of success. We did the most aggressive protocol, extra screening with an additional ultrasound and extra blood work x2. The transfer was flawless and at 5 1/2 days post transfer (dpt) I got my first positive pregnancy test!! My first quantitative HCG on 11 dpt came back at 221!!! 48 hours later we increased to 618!! These are great numbers. 

We are scheduled for one more quantitative HCG on 3/21 and an ultrasound on March 28th (6 weeks 2 days)…. Praying this baby keeps growing!!! 

I don’t know if fertile people do this but us infertile people don’t believe a positive urine pregnancy test when we see it so we test daily and scrutinize every line comparing it the last to make sure it’s getting darker. Here’s our great progression (and now you all know I’m crazy, if you didn’t already know)

The Intended Mom wasn’t sure if she wanted to know about a positive home test or just wait for the confirmation blood work. I waited a few days to ensure it was getting darker then surprised her with the good news during her trip to Jamaica. 

We are all thrilled!! Please keep praying, so many more hurdles to come. Thanks for being on this journey along side us. 

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Transfer done! - 5th time but a new and amazing experience

Being my 5th transfer I thought I knew exactly what to experience. This transfer was extra magical.  

Gift Basket I made for the IPs

Lucky Transfer Socks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The day started with a coffee date with the intended mom. I was so grateful for the time we got to spend together. Conversation was easy, we have so much in common and I could already start to feel the bond growing. And look at these adorable lucky transfer socks she got for me!

 

We headed to the clinic and IM and I were brought back pretty quickly. They require a full bladder to help force the uterus to lay flat and make the transfer easier.  Mine wasn't full enough so the chugging began.  80 ounces in and it was finally time. Now here's where it gets cool.

For the previous transfers the embryologist just brings the thawed embryo into the room in the straw and is ready for insertion.  You get to see a photo but that's it. But this clinic was different. They bring the embryo into the room in a newborn isolette. We got to see the embryo in real time under the microscope hatching in it's little petri dish. The embryo was REALLY hatching!!  We got to watch them draw the embryo up into the straw and then be transferred. Seeing the embryo in real time was magical! 

After that my husband and I headed back to the hotel to relax. I had the best nap of my life (thank you Valium) then met the intended parents for dinner. We were so grateful for more time together and we got to meet their sweet (almost) 3 year old. We genuinely enjoyed our time together and really look forward to growing our bond as we embark on this journey together. 

Having gone through 2 previous failed transfers I am always a bit guarded but this just feels right.  The transfer day was amazing, the embryo looked great, the doctor was very happy with the transfer. 

While we hold our breaths until the beta HCG 11 days after transfer I'm feeling really positive! Now we pray!!

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